My wife spends nearly all our wedding gold gifts without my consent

We were married almost a year ago. She is currently pregnant, and we live with my parents. Her office job barely covers her personal expenses, while I work for my parents without a fixed salary, though they have promised to give me VND200 million (US$7,869) by year’s end. My parents take care of all our household expenses.

A month after our wedding, my wife suffered a miscarriage, which devastated us both. A month ago, she had to be hospitalized due to complications with her pregnancy. At that time, I had no money, so I gave her VND1.5 million. A few days later, she said she needed more money for medical tests, so I handed over an additional VND5 million.

However, I was slightly inebriated that day and could not take the money to her myself, so I asked my mother to deliver it to the hospital. My wife was deeply upset and refused to accept the money, angered that I had been drinking while she was alone in the hospital.

After she was discharged, she needed daily injections to sustain the pregnancy, which cost nearly VND5 million a month, including supplements. She never asked me for this money, though I offered to buy her medicine and insisted on paying, but she chose to use her credit card instead.

My wife recently admitted to my mother that she sold the gold we received as wedding gifts to cover some expenses. Upon learning this from my mother, I confronted my wife. I criticized her for not discussing her financial needs with me, especially since her spending seemed excessive given that we live with my parents and she earns a modest salary. She responded that she had repeatedly tried to discuss financial matters with me, but I had ignored her, so she took it upon herself to manage necessary expenses.

My wife is highly competent and meticulous but also quite stubborn, often insisting on her way and expecting me to adapt. She is prone to crying and exaggerating situations. She also enjoys shopping and likely spends a considerable amount. For example, for this year’s Tet Lunar New Year in February, I gave her VND25 million. After the holiday, when I asked for the money back, she returned only VND12 million, claiming she had spent the rest during the celebrations. I feel she is too extravagant.

Meanwhile, I work all day and spend only on work-related necessities, seldom shopping. Not having a steady income to give her yet, I occasionally provide her with VND500,000-1 million.

I accused her of recklessly using her credit card and then selling the gold to settle her credit. She denied this, stating she uses credit for refunds and maintains a zero balance, with only installment loans for an air conditioner, a computer, and a phone.

I am unsure whether to believe her. I suggested that from now on, she should tell me what she needs, and I would accompany her to purchase it, but she refused, asserting that she is not a child to be treated as such and that if I have money, I should give it to her to manage family expenses.

She also stated that if necessary, she would sell all the remaining gold for childbirth expenses and then return to work, instead of relying on my parents’ money. She insists that we should manage our affairs independently, though I disagree, considering I will eventually inherit everything.

How can I change my wife’s perspective?