My mother-in-law reprimands us for leaving her to take care of our children

I am 37, my wife is 34, and together we have two children: a six-year-old about to enter first grade and a 14-month-old. We currently live with my in-laws, who assist with childcare while we work, as my own parents live far away and are unable to help.

I work as a mechanical and electrical engineer for an international firm, earning VND30 million (US$1,187) a month. Sometimes I take additional side projects and incomes from those can surpass my salary.

However, my job demands frequent travel, limiting my time at home to once a week. When not traveling, my commute to the office is 40 kilometers, which is both tiring and time-consuming. Lately, I’ve been experiencing health issues, including back pain and a herniated disc.

My wife, an office worker, earns about VND10 million monthly. Her commute from home to work and back takes four hours daily. By the time she returns, our children have been cared for by her mother, who bathes them and feeds them, leaving my wife to only play with them.

Childcare responsibilities have recently become a point of contention for my in-laws and us. My wife and I work from morning till around 7 p.m., with only Sundays off for my wife and weekends for me.

In the mornings, I manage to take our older child to school. My mother-in-law, who works at the market selling lottery tickets until noon, tends to the younger child, who mainly sleeps during mornings and plays with my father-in-law once awake. Because of this, the child sleeps less from noon to evening, demanding more attention and playtime. In the evenings, my mother-in-law’s routine includes bathing the older child and feeding the younger one, which is exhausting for her.

Thus, a few days ago, upon our return from work, she expressed her frustration, accusing us of neglecting our children and overburdening her.

I am thankful to my in-laws for their significant help with childcare and feel a deep sense of guilt for the imposition. Years ago, I loaned them over VND1 billion to build a larger house as a gesture of appreciation, which they have since repaid, allowing us to buy land for a future home.

Building our own home would enable us to hire help for childcare, but for now, living with my in-laws restricts that option. My wife and I plan to construct a house near her workplace early next year, once our zodiac signs favor construction. The build is expected to take nine months.

To alleviate the burden on my in-laws in the interim, I’ve considered more local, contract-based work once we move. I’ve also thought about renting nearer to our construction site and hiring help, though my wife was not in favor. Currently, we are exploring daycare options for our younger child, though finding a suitable one has proved difficult. The stress of these challenges made me contemplate quitting my job to stay home.

What should I do in this situation?