My mother-in-law lies about being sick to get money from us

My husband’s parents divorced 25 years ago because my mother-in-law, who is now over 50 years old, is very lazy. She now has affairs, as well as frequently drink and party. She has also committed fraud by selling off my father-in-law’s property and stealing my husband’s wedding money. Currently, she frequently lies and has a penchant for plastic surgeries and partying. She also travels a lot for religious ceremonies, but no one knows how she makes a living.

When she gets tired, she only likes to go to spas for relaxation or undergo plastic surgeries. She currently lives in the house my father-in-law inherited from his parents. Despite being kicked out many times, she shamelessly stays there and continues her affairs, frustrating him.

Despite being relatively young, she refuses to do any physical work. Every weekend, she goes out drinking, attending religious ceremonies, or disappears for a few days without anyone knowing her whereabouts.

When our children were born, she neither helped take care of them nor gave them anything, but she has constantly demanded money from us to pay for her religious trips or her made-up medical treatments, even though we often face financial shortages because we bought a house on installments in the city where we live.

Therefore, we do not give her a monthly allowance and only provide money when she is really hospitalized. Our salaries are just enough to get by, and sometimes we have to be frugal to pay off debts for our house, as well as to hire someone to look after our children since both of us work far from home.

Despite our resentment towards my mother-in-law, we still occasionally bring our children to visit her with gifts to pay our respects and check on her. During these visits, she always asks for money, and if we don’t provide it, she curses us terribly.

She badmouths us everywhere she goes, telling relatives and acquaintances that we are ungrateful and even forbids us from visiting the family home because we don’t give her money. She also constantly sends us hateful messages, calling us ungrateful and cursing us with bad karma, using very harsh words that I think only an enemy would use.

Sometimes we try to act normal and express our hope that she would reduce her gambling, drinking, or having affairs, and care more for her family. We even suggested she move in with us to help take care of our young children, handle school pick-ups and drop-offs, and understand how frugally we live and the difficulties of managing finances. We offered her VND10 million (US$395) per month, while hiring help would only cost around VND7 million. However, she refused, saying she didn’t like taking care of children.

As a result, we truly dislike her and try to avoid interacting with her to minimize the insults and demands. We still celebrate her birthday with gifts, but we don’t give her money because we don’t want to support her wasteful habits. Still, sometimes we feel so disheartened that we don’t want to see her or let our child interact with her.

Are our thoughts justified?