I wonder if my in-laws really don’t care about me

I am 29 years old, married for three years, and have a two-year-old child. My husband and I live in the city, while my in-laws reside in the countryside. Both 50 years old, my in-laws previously worked in the city for over 15 years, retiring early about six years ago after saving enough for their retirement. They now run a small store in the countryside, selling pickled vegetables more for leisure than as their main income.

I spent over a year at my husband’s family home during the Covid pandemic and following the birth of our child, which gave me insight into their household routine. My in-laws don’t seem to have hobbies beyond household care. My mother-in-law, for instance, mops their house nearly 10 times a day. Their home is exceptionally clean, and they rarely leave it except to visit the market. They welcome neighbors but seldom visit others themselves.

My husband and I, still renting in the city, previously employed a full-time maid. Now, with our child in school, I have economized by dismissing the maid and hiring only afternoon school pick-up help, as I return late from work. When our child is sick, I sometimes ask my mother-in-law to assist, though she is reluctant and prefers to return home quickly, suggesting I call my own mother who is still employed and less available.

When I was on maternity leave and my husband was working remotely, returning only biweekly, I often needed help with doctor visits for our sick child. Despite previous outings without issue, my in-laws often declined to accompany me, claiming discomfort with hospitals and travel sickness, and suggested I call my mother instead.

There was also an occasion when my mother-in-law was preparing a large amount of food for my brother-in-law for his studies in Hanoi. He could not carry everything, and although they suggested he take the rest later, they never extended similar help to me.

Once, while I was washing dishes and talking to my mother on speakerphone, she offered to prepare food for me. Overhearing this, my mother-in-law casually remarked that she had forgotten to extend such offers to me.

Despite not needing anything from them, as I often eat alone due to my husband’s distant work, this situation deeply saddens me, leaving me feeling like an outsider.

Also, the way my parents-in-law treat my husband’s paternal grandmother has made me contemplate. My father-in-law’s mother, nearly 90, lives alone in a simple old house with no modern conveniences and a traditional latrine. Her husband died about 30 years ago, and she has only sons, who live far away and visit infrequently. Despite living nearby, my in-laws rarely visit her, with my father-in-law visiting for about 15-20 minutes once a month, and my mother-in-law seldom at all.

One day, when my husband’s grandmother fell ill, a neighbor informed my in-laws. My father-in-law briefly visited her, but my mother-in-law did not, choosing to stay home and clean.

This lack of concern has diminished my respect for them, and I am troubled by the disparity between their comfortable home and her challenging living conditions. I have repeatedly urged my husband to discuss inviting his grandmother to live with us, as she is aging and isolated. Despite these discussions, nothing has changed.

Occasions like these have eroded my goodwill toward my in-laws. I sometimes wish to open up to them, but without that goodwill, I prefer to keep conversations limited to matters concerning my children.

Am I justified in feeling this way, or am I being too selfish by holding onto these issues?