Friday , October 4 2024

My family calls me selfish for not lending money to sister


Despite supporting my mother and grandmother financially, my family still labels me as “selfish” for not lending money to my sister for her house purchase.

I am a 28-year-old male IT engineer, earning a decent salary. Over eight years of work, I have saved approximately VND2 billion (US$81,400) through savings and small-scale investing. This money, kept in a savings account, helps me support my mother and grandmother, who cannot work anymore. I also earn income from renting out a room.

I am currently living with my girlfriend and covering all our living costs. Our family’s financial status ranges between poor and moderately well-off, so I cannot expect any financial assistance from them for future expenses like marriage or buying a house. Marriage is thus not in my immediate plans, as I am preoccupied with numerous responsibilities.

My sister, whose income is less than mine, recently asked to borrow over VND1 billion to buy a house. She did not specify a repayment timeline, so it is uncertain—it can be five, but it can also be 10 or 15 other years until she pays me. I refused, which led her to accuse me of being selfish.

It is not that I am unwilling to help. But I think I worked hard for my savings. Besides, I need to secure funds for my mother and grandmother, especially if I lose my job in the future. Approaching 30 and in a four-year relationship, I feel the need to plan for a family with my girlfriend as well, which includes financial preparation for marriage and a house.

Nevertheless, my family focuses on my high salary and considers me selfish for not lending the money. This hurts because believing in self-reliance and not burdening others, I have prioritized others’ needs since I was 20, spending my savings on family while neglecting my own needs.

I am perplexed as to why I am criticized for not lending money to my sister and why my family expects favors and reacts negatively when they are unmet.

Am I really being selfish for thinking this way?

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