My boyfriend has no intention of marrying me despite our 10-year relationship

I have been with a man for nearly 10 years, since we were students. Together we have been through many ups and downs, yet we are still together even now. I have always imagined our future with a happy wedding, and I would love to have our own children.

However, I feel that my boyfriend is not truly interested in building a family together. Even though I am sure he still needs me by his side, I can feel his emptiness whenever we have a fight.

He can share everything in his life and his work with me without getting bored, yet I have never heard him say anything about getting married. When I mention it, he always tries to ignore the topic.

He is super excited when it comes to his passions, hobbies and even willing to spend large amounts of money for them, but I have never seen him making a financial plan for our future or saving money for our wedding.

I don’t want to cause pressure in love, but as a woman, my youth is limited and I can’t just be in a relationship without knowing what our future will be. We have spent a long time next to each other, but now I feel I am lost in this love with no clear direction.

My boyfriend neither cheats on me nor stops loving me. Is it likely that he only wants love without a marriage commitment? Please give me advice on what I should do and how I should discuss this with my boyfriend to have the best direction for our relationship and our future.

An

Advice from psychologist Vu Hue:

Hello An,

As you have shared, your boyfriend is not eager to build a family, even though you have no doubt he loves you and needs you a lot. You two can spend all day together without getting bored. This bothers you very much. Even though you truly love your boyfriend, you don’t want him to feel the pressure. Obviously you and your boyfriend are not on the same page.

Nowadays, many young people are afraid of married life. They fear that marriage will be the grave of love; they have a fear of responsibility for their spouses, children, and families on both sides; they fear of being tied down; they have a fear of breaking up; they fear not being themselves or not being able to pursue their passions, hobbies, careers.

This is understandable because everyone has to make their own choice. But in the long run, this will have a negative impact on society.

You need to sit down with your boyfriend and listen to his thoughts and desires; express your feelings and demands, and try to see if there is a common ground between the two of you regarding this matter. Don’t be shy or think that by sharing your thoughts, you are putting pressure on your boyfriend in this relationship. You also need to think for yourself and be proactive with your choices.

Please consider carefully about your love. Do you need an official wedding, your own children, and to be responsible for each other? Or do you only need a lover who is always by your side and makes you feel happy when you are together?

Each choice has its pros and cons. Let’s list all the advantages and disadvantages of each option to consider whether you are willing to make a trade-off. For example, if you choose to have him as a lover, maybe you will always be happy to be loved, but if one day he has someone else, you will have nothing left.

On the contrary, if you choose to get married, you can marry him or someone else. Will you regret making your boyfriend unable to be his true self? Or will you regret not being able to marry the one you love?

Make sure you think carefully and evaluate all the options in advance to see if you are willing to accept this situation or make a trade-off and overcome all the difficulties to achieve what you desire.

If you are prepared to navigate through all the drawbacks, then no matter what option you choose, it will be worthwhile. The most important thing, after all, is that you are completely satisfied with your decision.

I hope you will find your answer.