Monday , February 6 2023

Is it selfish to ask my wife to share living costs with me?


I wanted to split the bills with my wife but she was upset and said I was selfish and petty.

I’m curious how you and your spouse split the monthly living costs. My wife and I met through a mutual friend. I proposed and arranged for her to stay in New Zealand while she was studying abroad. She’s a self-sufficient international student, not a rich kid like others.

I got the papers for her to stay in New Zealand and we got married in both Vietnam and New Zealand. Her family paid for our wedding in Vietnam. My parents paid for our wedding in New Zealand. My income was low as I was studying a master’s at the time. Despite the fact that several people chased her, she still chose me.

My parents bought us a house when we had a child. They also paid our kid’s kindergarten tuition. After five years here, my wife said the weather made her feel depressed, so we moved to Vietnam for two years to live and work. When my child was about to hit first grade, we returned to New Zealand.

When she started going to work, I told her to split the bills. In the past, I didn’t mind it because she said she was depressed and only went to work for fun. Recently, her father came to New Zealand, and she was happier. Then I started feeling unfair since I was the one who had paid for everything since we got together.

I said that if she stays at home with our kid, we won’t need to split the bills. But if she goes to work, I will help her in taking care of our kid and she will also have to share the living costs with me. She claimed I was selfish and petty and that turned her off.

She said that giving birth was her only responsibility and forcing her to split the bills is just wrong. I often look after our child on weekends so she can hang out with friends. When she returned to Vietnam, I also asked my parents to take care of our kid.

I want to ask other couples how they share living costs with each other. Am I too selfish to ask my wife to split the bills with me?

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