I prefer to live separately despite significant support from my in-laws

I am 28 years old, in the final three months of my pregnancy, and have been married and living with my in-laws, who are in their 60s, for a year. My parents’ and my in-laws’ homes are only about one kilometer apart.

Both families are farmers of similar social status, which led me to initially believe that living together would not be overly challenging. Yet, after moving in, I’ve encountered many differences that have made living with them harder than anticipated.

The first two months were particularly tough due to our differing lifestyles and mindsets. It was generally small issues: they wake up early while I prefer to sleep in, they enjoy salty food whereas I like it bland, and they favor simple meals while I crave more variety. Whenever I buy something to eat, my mother-in-law often critiques it as unnecessary and seldom partakes.

Furthermore, living with my in-laws restricts my freedom to do as I please, like skipping house cleaning for a day, or asking my husband to help with minor chores. Our privacy as a couple is also minimal.

Therefore, I often cried quietly, confiding in my husband: “I can’t adapt to living with your parents. I want us to live on our own. I’m uncomfortable and dread coming home.”

All my husband could do was reassure me that we should stay with them temporarily to foster closeness since his family is small and his parents are aging. He suggested that eventually, we could move to a nearby house that his parents had built years earlier.

However, over time, I’ve come to understand my in-laws better. My mother-in-law is quite candid and speaks her mind freely. She may complain frequently but does not bear grudges and makes an effort to get along with me. My father-in-law is more traditional and patriarchal, yet he is industrious and skilled in managing household tasks. Despite his strict nature, he is open to his children’s ideas.

So I’ve somewhat adjusted to our living situation. In retrospect, the disputes were minor, and with a more open mindset, they might not have troubled me. Also, my in-laws have been quite supportive, helping me handle various chores. For example, sometimes, when I return late from work, my mother-in-law even prepares dinner.

Nevertheless, deep down, I yearn for the independence and comfort of living just with my husband and eventually our children, in a small family unit where I can fully embrace adulthood. If we keep living together, I fear that as I give birth and raise our child, I will lose my sense of comfort and always feel somewhat guarded and unnatural around my in-laws.

Still, I’m contemplating because both our families are not wealthy, and our parents are elderly and unwell.

Am I justified in feeling this way?