I don’t want to live with my wonderful mother-in-law

My husband and I have a three-year marriage and a two-year-old daughter. As my husband is an only child whose father died early, my mother-in-law devoted all her love to raising him. She isn’t overbearing and treats me well too.

After marrying, we purchased a small apartment in Hanoi, while my mother-in-law has remained in her home in the central province of Nghe An, where she’s lived alone since my husband left for university in Hanoi. Now retired, she enjoys a social life, playing badminton, going for walks, and on weekends, meeting with friends to eat and sing karaoke. I hold her in high regard and regularly send her money, gifts, and medicine.

My husband and I agreed that I would stay home with our daughter until she turned 15 months old, after which I would go back to work. I gave birth at my mother’s house, and when our daughter was five months old, we moved her to Hanoi. My mother-in-law adores our daughter and visited immediately upon our arrival. Despite her love, our differing parenting styles led me to prefer that her visits be short, while she hoped to stay indefinitely.

My husband diplomatically suggested she return to Nghe An to rest as I was still not working and could manage our well-behaved baby alone, but she became distressed whenever we mentioned it. During this year’s Tet Lunar New Year in February, when my daughter was over a year old, she returned to Nghe An for the holidays. We suggested she rest there a bit longer and not rush back to Hanoi, which she reluctantly accepted. However, she returned a few months later, even after we had placed our daughter in daycare at 15 months, and I found myself unable to say no.

Each visit, she brings various items from her hometown for our daughter and, knowing my frequent back pain, sometimes brings oil and medicine for me. She stays at home during the day, picks up our daughter from daycare early in the afternoon, and prepares dinner for us all. I come home to a nearly finished routine: feeding and playing with my daughter before bedtime, and my mother-in-law even washes the dishes.

Living together inevitably causes some friction, but it hasn’t severely impacted our relationship. Despite her being a wonderful person, I still prefer not to live together. I cherish my independence at home, making both minor and major decisions about our lives and how we raise our daughter without outside influence. Yet, I am unsure how to express this in a conversation without harming our relationship.

What should I do?