I don’t want my in-laws to meet my parents

I have been married for 10 years and we have two children. We, along with both sets of parents, live in the same city.

From the start, it was apparent that my in-laws did not like my parents. This may stem from a cultural gap, as my in-laws are business people and my parents are intellectuals, which perhaps made my in-laws feel inferior and dislike my family from the outset. My husband recognizes this and has mentioned that his parents are not naturally sociable or friendly, advising me not to take it personally if my parents are not bothered by it.

Typically, the families met only once or twice a year during holidays or for my children’s birthdays. Aware of the tension, my parents always acted diplomatically at these gatherings to avoid any conflict.

However, my in-laws often looked for trouble and behaved condescendingly. They always expected my family to greet them first. My mother-in-law insisted that my mother should call them monthly to check in, and if she did not, my mother-in-law would criticize and make derogatory comments about “my family’s lack of manners.”

Recently, I accidentally heard my in-laws speaking negatively about me and demeaning my father’s profession. They did not apologize and instead harshly reprimanded my family unjustly. This upset me, and I shared it with my husband and my parents. My parents chose not to exacerbate the situation but also expressed a desire to no longer meet or interact with my in-laws. My mother said: “If they don’t like us, I don’t want to meet them either.”

My husband and I concur and prefer that our families no longer meet, as it only results in discomfort and further criticism. We are occupied throughout the year with work and our children, maintaining a peaceful and happy life without the need for family gatherings.

Nevertheless, my in-laws see things differently. Despite the incidents, my mother-in-law never apologized to me or my family but behaved as if nothing had occurred and continued to feign interest in my parents.

With my daughter’s birthday approaching, my mother-in-law reminded me to invite my parents. My husband confronted his parents, saying: “After speaking ill of them and not apologizing, you still want to meet them? Isn’t that shameful?”

My mother-in-law responded: “Let it be, I didn’t say it to their face, so why apologize? If they don’t want to meet now, they should feel guilty.”

As my in-laws cause issues yet still want to appear virtuous and pretend they are the reasonable ones, my husband and I are seeking advice on how to curb their behavior and make them understand that the families should not meet.

What should we do?