I can’t stay away from a married man

I met him at work. He is a strong, established, and dynamic man. When we started working together, I had no great impression of him.

Last year, when I quit my job at my old workplace, he started to text me often. We talked about careers and investments, and we often met in coffee shops so he could teach me about such matters.

Two months after that, he often sent me goodnight messages with a tinge of tease and flirtation. I was still naive and did not think much about it. I think that a man like him, educated, with a beautiful wife and nice children, would not do anything to cross the line. I see him as an older brother that I can learn from.

Gradually, we started to hang out in cafes more often and talk about more diverse topics. I rarely declined any cafe invitation of his. Once, he asked me whether I would like to join him on a work vacation. I agreed since I thought I would have a private room.

He told me he already arranged it, but I found out he booked a room with two beds. I agreed to stay in the room. The next day, we drank in the room and had sex.

I can’t stop thinking about him and the peaceful feeling when I am in his arms. I am fully aware of my actions, but my heart can’t control itself. I keep being drawn to him like a naive woman. I went to his Facebook and found out that his wife is a nice, happy woman.

That they have been together for 13 years and have a pretty daughter together. The day we got intimate was also the day his wife shared a memory of them on social media. And yet, he still got intimate with me on that day.

My love is filled with guilt. I want to have children with him, to be able to rely on him when I get tired, to hold his hand, and be close to him every day.

Perhaps I need some sort of awakening or a way to get out of this situation.