My mother-in-law accuses me over my husband’s debts

My husband and I both have stable jobs working for the government and live in a small provincial town where both our families are quite prosperous. We are parents to two well-behaved, healthy children. There are some issues that make me somewhat sad, though not overwhelmingly so. I’d like to share them here.

Initially, my husband’s constant work and study demands meant I largely raised our first child alone. When our eldest child was a year old, my husband finished his studies, coinciding with the pandemic, which limited his visits home. My parents helped me with taking care of the child, unlike my in-laws, who had different child-rearing philosophies.

For example, my mother-in-law suggested the “EASY” (Eat – Activity – Sleep – Your Time) method, promoting independence for the child and personal time for the mother. I tried it, but she then criticized me for letting the baby cry, dismissing my explanations as arrogance. This experience taught me not to expect much support from her.

Additionally, I’ve discussed my mother-in-law’s criticisms with my husband, who offers no support, merely advising me to “endure it since she didn’t beat me.”

Our eldest child is now nearly three and has learned to eat and sleep independently. My husband currently works closer to home but is only back every other day due to his job’s nature. Consequently, I handle most household and child care tasks alone.

After I discovered that my husband accrued significant credit card debt while studying, my parents lent us the money so that we could clear it. My parents also covered the expenses required when my husband sought a job closer to home after his studies. But now, as he seeks another transfer, my mother-in-law refuses to lend more money, suggesting I should handle it as his success benefits me more than her.

My husband also shows extreme, unreasonable jealousy. He suspects infidelity if I miss his calls or drink with colleagues, hinting at other men’s presence. I’ve warned him of potential divorce for his accusations and insults. While he sometimes backs down, he never apologizes, and the issue recurs.

Despite these challenges, my husband is faithful and will help with chores when asked, though he isn’t proactive. The responsibility often weighs heavily on me, making me reconsider my approach, especially as my husband remains indifferent, adding to my burden.

What should I do with my husband and mother-in-law?