Vietnamese teens under career pressures as parents’ wishes clash with dreams

Thuy Vy, who took the high school graduation exam in June, said she cried every night for weeks because her mother forced her to study at a pharmaceutical university, but her desire is to major in English Language at the University of Foreign Trade in Ho Chi Minh City.

The high school student from the southern Tay Ninh Province said her mother mentioned studying Pharmaceuticals at every opportunity. Vy said that this was her mother’s dream when she was young, but she couldn’t achieve it.

“My mom says studying pharmacy leads to a stable job with a good income, and she’s willing to invest, but if I choose another field, I would be on my own,” Vy said.

The girl said Pharmaceuticals requires strong math and chemistry skills, which she is not good at. She chooses Foreign Trade because she wants to learn English for economic applications, aiming to work in foreign companies in the future.

“My mom isn’t interested in the field I like, so trying to persuade her is useless. It really gets on my nerves,” Vy said.

Hoang Anh, a high school student in the southern Can Tho City, often argued with his parents because they forced him to attend Can Tho University close to home, while he intended to enroll in Information Security at the University of Information Technology in Ho Chi Minh City, around 200 km from home.

Anh said he has been studying programming and exploring this field for a long time, dreaming of working in security for a foreign company.

“My parents do not even think about which field I could learn at Can Tho University, they simply told me to study somewhere close to home and then find a job after graduation. It’s really frustrating,” he said.”I don’t want to persuade them anymore because I feel they don’t trust me.”

Tam Nguyen in HCMC was not interested in a specific major, but she said she constantly felt pressure because her parents kept talking about the benefits of Pedagogy or English Language majors.

“Not a day goes by without my parents talking about how I should study Pedagogy because my mom has connections, making it easy to find a job, or how teaching English does not require too much effort and yet offers high income,” the teenage girl said.

Pham Thai Son, Director of the Enrollment and Communication Center at the HCMC University of Industry and Trade, said he has met many parents who direct their children forcibly, with some even demanding their children follow their or their friends’ professions because it’s “easy to find a job.”

“Many students are uncomfortable and act on their own thoughts, but not a few remain passive, doing whatever their parents say,” he said.

Dao Thu Hien, founder of the GPA Education Organization and a career guidance expert with nearly 20 years of experience, said: “Not many parents ask their children about their strengths, outstanding abilities, and favorite jobs, which are the factors for sustainable success later on.”

A parent encourages her daughter after dropping her off for the high-school graduation exam in front of a school in Ho Chi Minh City’s Tan Binh District, June 2024. Photo by VnExpress/Quynh Tran

Dang Hoang Ngan, a psychological counseling expert, said parents’ desire to choose schools and majors for their children stems from their beliefs, experiences, and concerns.

There are four reasons many parents do this. First, they have carefully planned their children’s future and want them to take advantage of their connections to avoid hardship. Second, parents have a relatively accurate understanding of their children’s personalities and strengths, so they assume their children can excel in certain fields and guide them accordingly, Ngan explained.

The third reason comes from the children’s attitude and behavior, as the children’s uncertainty make their parents believe they are impulsive, lack understanding of reality, and need decisions made for them. Finally, many parents regret their unfulfilled dreams, so they place these expectations on their children, the expert said.

Nhu, a parent in Hanoi, falls into one of those categories.

She advised her high school graduate child to choose the path to become a Literature teacher or a teacher of primary-school level, but her daughter insisted on studying Tourism because she loves traveling.

“Studying Pedagogy, if she could not get a job at a public school, she can always open a class to earn a living. This option is very stable, but she won’t listen and even skips meals in protest,” she said.

The mother said her daughter has no experience in the tourism industry while having jobs in this career means working irregular hours, and the potential income may not be enough to live on.

A woman holds a poster with a picture of a K-pop celebrity as a way to cheer up her child as she joins other parents in waiting for their children to leave the exam rooms after the high-school graduation exam in Hanoi’s Dong Da District, June 2024. Photo by VnExpress/Giang Huy

Experts suggest parents’ imposition causes stress and family conflict because children will resist to gain self-determination.

“When self-determination is ignored, children won’t want to open up or cooperate with their parents, even causing family relationships to fracture,” Ngan said.

Through her own observation, Hien of the GPA found that many students now explore and choose careers based on their interests, unlike the previous generation who comply with their parents’ decision.

“Therefore, parents should accompany their children in career guidance activities from a young age, update labor market information, and have an open view of the fields their children want to pursue,” Hien said.

Ngan suggested that instead of focusing solely on preparing children for upcoming exams, parents should guide them toward sustainable career paths. Parents can start by using their children’s academic results, engaging in open conversations, observing their behaviors, and having them take career assessment tests or consult with psychologists.

This approach helps identify their strengths, weaknesses, and interests. Once these are understood, parents can encourage their children to research different schools and majors.

“Sustainable career guidance is about helping children understand themselves, understand the profession, and build a suitable study-career plan,” she said.

Do Ngoc Anh, Director of the Communication and Enrollment Center at Hanoi Open University, believes that even if it’s for the children’s good, parents should not be imposing, but look at ways to talk them into agreement.

“The important thing is to respect the children’s choices, even if they differ from their expectations. This helps them feel confident and supported,” said Ngoc Anh.

Vietnamese high school graduates could register for multiple universities. Schools will announce their entry requirements in mid-August this year and students are required to confirm enrollment at the universities of their choice by the end of Aug. 27.

After some time, Thuy Vy and Tam Nguyen said they would reconsider their family’s choices.

“After talking with some people, I realized following my parents’ suggestion might not be wrong. If I’m diligent and supported, it can be more advantageous than others,” Nguyen said.

Hoang Anh, the IT enthusiast from Can Tho, has already got an online, part-time job for an Indian software company.

“I’ll go to HCMC soon to work, gaining experience and income to prepare for a lack of parental support,” he said.

Nhu meanwhile has let her daughter register her university choices.

“I made a deal that if she faces hardships in the future, she’ll have to bear them herself. Nonetheless, I still hope she can pursue the field she has chosen,” she said.