My family is discontent with my wife’s post-work socializing

At 28 years old, married for three years, and a recent father, I find myself financially stable with the ability to afford a house, a car, and regular family vacations. Both my parents and in-laws are retirees in good health, and our grandparents are also relatively well.

Though I’m generally satisfied with my life, there’s a significant source of contention that has recently emerged involving my wife and my parents. Stemming from my grandfather, a strict teacher, my family maintains disciplined, moralistic, and somewhat traditional views.

In contrast, my wife, a member of Generation Z (those born from 1997 onwards), adopts a more carefree approach to life. She enjoys spending time post-work shopping or hanging out at cafés with her university friends or colleagues, which I personally do not mind. However, my parents and grandparents see this as a neglect of her familial and household responsibilities. Despite my attempts to mediate, their opinions remain unchanged.

Consequently, I proposed that my wife reduce her outings to three or four times a week to ensure she is home for meals with the family, a suggestion that did not sit well with her. Recognizing her work fatigue, I’ve taken on most of the domestic chores, including cooking, sweeping, and washing dishes during my days off. Yet, my efforts have not altered my family’s criticism of her as untidy and lazy, observing that she has never engaged in cleaning since moving in.

In an effort to support her, I’ve reassured my wife that I will handle the housework and that she should not be bothered by what the grandparents think. However, it is true that she shows a lack of organization, particularly with clothes, often leaving them crumpled and stuffed in the closet rather than neatly folded.

Financially, she tends to spend her salary and sometimes our savings—which are meant for essential family expenses and our child’s needs—quite freely. This behavior worries me, especially in the event of an unexpected financial crisis. Despite my efforts to discuss prudent spending, she perceives my concerns as stinginess, leaving me unsure of how to convey the importance of savings effectively.

Given these ongoing issues and her apparent mismatch with my family’s expectations, I am considering moving out next year. I worry, however, that this might lead to me dining alone with my son and taking on the primary homemaker role, potentially compromising our financial security.

Despite these challenges, my wife is an excellent cook, loving towards her family, and always courteous to my parents and grandparents. However, her stubborn nature often leads her to repeat actions that are criticized, intensifying family tensions.

Am I too defensive of her actions?