I paid a heavy price for betraying my husband

We had a long distance relationship for three years, then were married for seven years up until now. Our marriage has always been full of ups and downs. He is from the north, I am from the south. He is quite responsible to his family, not addicted to alcohol, does not have affairs.

The main problem is that he is very controlling and I have to obey him in many matters. He is not respectful towards my family either. He has never joined weddings or death rituals in my family.

My mother lives close to us. Each month I give her VND3 million ($128.03) for her expenses. She usually comes home early from work and cooks for all of us. My husband is quite calculating. He says that the monthly food cost should not be that high, since my mom has four days each month when she only eats vegan food, and I always cook on weekends.

He gives my mom VND5 million every Tet, but this year he only gave her VND3 million. He says that my mom will spend it all no matter how much he gives her. I use my bank card for our expenses, but he keeps his card for himself. He has never said sweet words to me. I have always been close to him since our days of dating. Mom says I should keep harmony with my husband, for the sake of our children.

There would be nothing serious if I had not met my first love – my love when I was 17 years old. We were very innocent back then and nothing sexual happened. He is still gentle and he is still single. His younger sister recently died and he has lived quite erratically since then.

I was attracted to his story. I felt like I could save him from his emotional problem. I sent him lots of texts. I also read lots of articles online about people who have affairs and I even sought some psychologists. My main mistake is that I did not talk with my husband before things got too far.

I was afraid that my husband would get hurt if he found out, so I wrote him a letter asking for a divorce. Eventually he did find out. I kneeled down, begged him to not reveal what I did with anyone else, especially our young son.

The night he found out was the first time in so many years of marriage that I felt he loved me and was afraid of losing me. He told me I should tell him everything, and that he will forgive me if I tell him. I feel like I don’t deserve his love anymore. It’s already difficult to live together, and I feel it’s even harder now after he found out what I did. So we ended up getting a divorce. We have been divorced for a year now. Our son stays with him and is cared for by him. I only pick up my son to do things with him on the weekends.

Today he said that I should leave him and our son alone. He says that I was the one who did something wrong. I was so hurt. I miss my son so much. I cried at night when looking at pictures of my son when he was still a baby. I read the messages that my son sent me by the phone that my husband bought for him: “Mom, I want to hang out with you,” “Mom, I am in 1st grade now,” “Mom, I only got 8 points on my test. Will you be sad?”

I feel deeply hurt. I can’t imagine having to leave my son. I feel like a bad mom, someone who cannot give her child full happiness. I know that my husband has been good to me and this is the price I have to pay for having an affair.

I write my story here so that people like me, mothers and wives, if you have troubles in your marriage, do discuss this with your husband. Please do not let things go too far like I did.