I get infatuated with my coworker though still loving my husband

I am over 30 years old. I have a husband and children. I am working as a manager for a big company with a good salary. I always feel lucky that I have a beautiful house, stable job, and beautiful and well-behaved children.

My husband is tall, handsome, very smart, makes lots of money, and cares for his wife and children. He is my first love. We had to work hard to have such a good family. We overcame a lot of difficulties together so I am very grateful for my current happiness.

I thought that life would always be smooth: earning money, getting a promotion, caring for the family. But then, I met him. We got to know each other in a business project. Perhaps I was so impressed since he is tall, handsome, smart and educated.

He is a very capable person. Later I found out he is quite well known in his community. Unlike other women, I appeared uninterested in him. Since I am married, I was not so proactive in approaching other people. Unexpectedly, he became interested me exactly because I appeared uninterested. He later revealed that he noticed my cool manner.

A while into the project, I noticed something different about him. Several times I noticed he kept staring and smiling at me. Then he proactively approached me. He kept texting me but only talked about daily life and work.

There was nothing unusual in those chats, so I was not so concerned. I just talked to him like any other friend. And then things stopped being just normal. He couldn’t seem to pretend he didn’t like me. He did not say it out loud, but his actions were very obvious.

He is gentle and very caring towards me. He is also very sensitive. He can notice my change in feelings and thoughts, no matter how small. I was deeply moved by him, yet at the same time quite confused by those sentiments. I am not someone easy to fall in love. I love my husband and family a lot. It seems like he did not expect our relationship would get serious either. Maybe in the beginning he just wanted a new friend.

We could not contain our feelings for each other, but we did not cross the line. Many times I wanted to end this kind of feelings for him, but did not succeed. I love him, but I can’t leave my family or my current job.

No matter how much I love him, my husband is still a line I can’t cross. I decided to stop contacting my coworker. I still miss him so much and wonder when I can become normal again.

Thank you so much for spending time to read my thoughts. Writing this down makes me feel much better. I hope that I can remain at peace, and even if I never see him again, I hope I can still see him as a good friend.