I always have to tell my husband to be patient with his mother

My husband and I have been married for nine years, and we have a seven-year-old son. My husband is self-employed, while I have a demanding job and only return home late in the evening. Despite that, I earn only VND5 million (US$197) each month. Because we live in the countryside, our lifestyle doesn’t demand much, and I have managed to save some money.

My mother-in-law is now 71 years old, often suffers from illnesses, and we don’t know how much longer she will be with us. Deep down, I know she’s a wonderful person who always wants the best for her children and grandchildren. She prefers to live with my husband’s younger sister, who is now 42 years old and has decided to remain single for life because she worries that if she falls seriously ill, it would be too burdensome for my husband and me.

So, my mother-in-law only visits us for a few days and then returns home without any intention of staying long-term. Everyone in the neighborhood says she is extremely difficult to please, but I still try to live harmoniously with her.

On the contrary, my husband doesn’t get along with his mother, so whenever they discuss something, it often leads to arguments. My mother-in-law is quite hot-tempered and tends to say very harsh things to him, but I always tell my husband: “You know how your mother is. She says those things, but she doesn’t mean them. There’s no need to argue with your mother.”

I always have to find the right words to advise my husband to be patient with her. However, there are indeed times when my mother-in-law blames me for not advising my husband and letting him argue with her. Though I understand that she doesn’t mean to offend me by saying so, it makes me sad. Still, I choose to stay silent rather than argue or explain.

What should I do to make her understand me?