Can husbands manage household finances competently?

To him, their monthly income of VND35 million (US$1,400) seemed more than enough to cover expenses, including support for his parents and the mortgage.

His wife, Hoai Thi, used to manage the finances, saving around VND5 million a month.

But Quyen felt this was too little and often questioned her spending. Criticizing her for not keeping detailed records, he accused her of impulsive spending. Thi switched to using bank transfers instead of cash to better track their spending.

“I’m not having a secret stash or sending money to my parents, so why do you keep asking?” she would ask him. “It’s clear you can’t manage our money properly,” he would retort.

Fed up, Thi handed over control of their finances to Quyen, including their savings. She kept only VND3 million for fuel, breakfast and small personal expenses, asking for more when needed.

Quyen handled everything, including daily grocery shopping and minor purchases. But his initial enthusiasm quickly faded as he faced countless unexpected expenses: medication for their child, broken household items and urgent calls from his wife, like replacing a flat tire for VND500,000.

His budget spiraled out of control as he paid for three daily meals, snacks for their children, gifts for relatives, and visits to sick friends.

Within two weeks he was shocked to find their expenses had exceeded his monthly income. When he tried to hand the finances back to Thi, she insisted he continue until the end of the month.

A man buys vegetables for his family at a market in Cau Giay District, Hanoi, on August 22, 2024. Photo by VnExpress/Pham Nga

Quyen is not the only husband to learn things the hard way.

For 42-year-old Ngoc Dung in Phu Ly, Ha Nam Province, frustration stemmed from his wife Hanh’s strict control over their finances.

Hanh took nearly all of his salary each month, leaving no money for dining out or even small indulgences. Even on evening walks they would take their own water. Traveling was never part of her plans. “Living like this is just surviving,” Dung would tell her repeatedly.

During an argument about Dung going out drinking with friends, he criticized her for her tight grip on their spending.

Tired of his nagging, she handed him their bank card, shared the PIN and told him to manage the finances until she gave birth and completed her postpartum recovery.

That evening Dung confidently took control, treating the family to a lavish dinner and dessert, followed by an evening stroll. “I’ll show you how a man handles finances,” he said.

He bought the most expensive washing machine in preparation for their newborn, took the family out for meals regularly, and went drinking with his friends more often.

In two weeks Dung spent their entire monthly allowance and even dipped into Hanh’s savings for childbirth. To her shock, she discovered he had intended to lend part of that money to a new friend. “If I keep letting my husband take charge, one day we’ll be left with nothing,” she says.

Phan Dung Khanh, a financial expert, investment consultant for Maybank Investment Bank and founding member of the Vietnam Association of Financial Managers observes that most men are generally less adept at managing family finances compared to women. “Men may excel at earning money and perform exceptionally well in certain fields, but few are as detail-oriented in handling household finances as their wives,” he notes.

A study by U.S.-based Vanguard found that women typically save a higher percentage of their income than men, even when their earnings are similar.

In Vietnam, women traditionally manage household finances. According to a MasterCard survey in 16 emerging markets, over 50% of Vietnamese women make decisions in key areas such as monthly household budgeting, investments, significant purchases, and children’s education.

Family psychologist Hong Huong says finances are one of the key factors in determining the longevity of marriages.

She says when women have to juggle work and household expenses, and there is financial pressure and criticism from their husbands, things can get overwhelming.

She advises couples to openly discuss incomes and expenses early in their marriage. If financial constraints require tighter spending, both partners should agree on a plan to avoid making the other feel controlled.

Khanh says while many women manage household finances, men can be equally capable. “Many men manage this responsibility very well,” he adds.

With more and more women focusing on their careers these days, many entrust financial management to their husbands.

Thuy Vi’s family posed for a souvenir photo in Ho Chi Minh City in early 2024. Photo courtesy of the family

Thuy Vi’s is one such family. Her husband, Huy, earned more than she did, yet she still trusted him to handle their finances. “I tend to be impulsive with shopping, but he is disciplined in his spending, so I leave it to him,” the 32-year-old from HCMC says.

They get their incomes into a joint account, with Vi setting a budget for herself and Huy managing the rest. “I always allocate myself a generous budget,” she says.

Managing the finances has helped Huy become more responsible and motivated to work harder for the family.

Since adopting this approach, Vi has had more time for herself, more attention and gifts from her husband and generally a better life. “Most importantly, he no longer nags me about overspending each month.”

After a month of handling the household finances, Dung is now looking for a side job to help increase their savings and reduce his wife’s stress.

Reflecting on his earlier frustrations, he admits: “With my income, just getting by is all we can do.”