Wives should not be involved in property inheritance matters

Letting wives be involved in inheritance matters has been a source of conflicts within my family. Illustration photo by VnExpress/Quynh Tran

Based on numerous articles I’ve read here concerning family dynamics, which offer valuable practical advice and reflections on living well, I’m compelled to share the experiences of my own family.

My grandparents, who came from poor backgrounds and worked as farmers in their youth, have four children: my father is the eldest, followed by two aunts, and the youngest is my uncle. Now in their 80s, my grandparents have limited time remaining to spend with their children and grandchildren, which deeply saddens me whenever I visit them after working afar. During these visits, I engage in long conversations with them, and my grandmother’s tales often evoke deep empathy and affection.

On the contrary, despite living right next door, my youngest uncle’s family remains estranged from our grandparents and other paternal relatives, seldom interacting with them. On one occasion, they didn’t even greet my parents during an encounter. This distance has also weakened the bond between myself, my siblings, and my uncle’s children, influenced by the actions of the adults.

Over time, my visits to my uncle’s house, which are intended to mend family ties—a desire also held by our grandparents—have grown increasingly uncomfortable. I often limit my visits to the Tet Lunar New Year only. My uncle’s children visit our grandparents’ home only when directed by their parents.

Previously, my grandparents, healthier and more independent, lived with my uncle when he was newly married. They initially showed favoritism towards him, with my grandfather indicating a preference to depend more on my uncle than my father.

However, my uncle and his wife then moved into a separate house next door. They also soon ceased assisting my grandparents with their work after their marriage, leaving them to rely solely on my parents.

Land division issues may have been a key factor in the growing estrangement between my uncle’s family and the rest of our paternal relatives. Initially, my grandparents planned to allocate a prime, spacious plot of land to my uncle and his wife, while assigning my parents a less desirable, oddly shaped piece of land more akin to a rice field—a decision that deeply upset my mother.

Though my parents accepted their lot without protest, my grandparents later chose to allocate an additional portion of the land to my parents. This adjustment, likely influenced by external opinions on fairness, displeased my uncle and his wife, exacerbating the existing tensions between them.

Jealousy might also play a role, as my parents now reside in a newly built house, while my uncle’s family remains in their old, smaller house. What goes unacknowledged is that my parents worked hard and assisted my grandparents in their work for years, significantly contributing to the construction of their home. My uncle and his wife had that chance too, but they soon insisted on living and working separately.

During this year’s Tet Lunar New Year in February, feeling the lack of harmony within the family, my grandparents chose not to host a birthday celebration. My older brother, having returned from afar, encouraged a modest gathering, which my uncle and his wife did not attend despite living close by.

Fortunately, my parents live next door and can still look after my old and frail grandparents, as resolving the tension between my uncle’s family and other relatives seems daunting. The primary reason for the disputes appears to be that my grandparents did not evenly or adequately express their affection among their children.

Moreover, the significant influence of my mother and my uncle’s wife in inheritance-related matters has been harmful, preventing my father and uncle from making critical family decisions. I thus believe that the involvement of wives in property matters has contributed to the disintegration of our large family. I am resolved that my siblings and I will stay united and will ensure that our wives do not partake in decisions regarding our parents’ property in the future.

Is it reasonable for me to think this way?