My boyfriend secretly married someone else due to family pressure

I consider myself a pretty decent woman. I’m not gorgeous, but good-looking, I’m educated and have a stable job with a good salary, I’m confident, good at communicating, and adept at cooking and homemaking skills.

He lives in the next province, about one hour away from me. His appearance, education level, and work are pretty average, but there is nothing to complain about him in general. With affection and persistence, he finally made me fall in love.

One day I found out he has another woman in his life so I asked him to break up with me. Surprisingly, he insisted on staying with me, telling me that the girl was only introduced to him by his mother. I agreed to go back to him if he promised not to contact that woman in any way.

Since then, he has loved and cared about me even more, even though we live quite far from each other. He agrees to any request I make to control him. Gradually, I learned to trust him more, enjoy the relationship with him and even dream of having a family with him though that means I may have to sacrifice a lot.

But tragedy still came. One day, I felt anxious and I looked for the woman’s information on social media. I was shocked to find out that she changed her avatar into a wedding photo of her and him.

It turned out that he and she had gotten engaged a month before that, and that they would get married the following day. Shocked and shaken, I called to ask him about this. He told me that he will always loves me, but that he got married due to family pressure.

His relatives’ opinions affect him a lot. This woman is loved by most of his relatives, though he did try to refuse her because of me. Even though this woman received minimal love from him, she didn’t seem to want to end the marriage.

He kept promising me that I am his priority. When I threatened to break up with him, he rarely contacted her family anymore and only showed up when truly necessary. I can feel his honesty, since he spends most of his time and attention on me. Maybe since he spends most of his time with me, I could not expect this would happen.

However, things didn’t end up the way I imagined. I was not strong enough to give up his love. I felt like I was drowning more deeply in this situation. He wants to care for me until I find someone new. He does not dare to put limits on me and he does not dare to commit, but he is afraid of losing me.

He is still loving and caring toward me. He is even more affectionate towards me since he wants to make up for what happened. I am not strong enough to end the relationship. I still love him and yearn for the love he has for me.

We still keep in touch like a normal couple. He still shows up every time I need support. He cares even about my smallest things. Every time I get angry at him, he tolerates it. Even though I keep telling myself to set a deadline for this relationship to end, I can’t bring myself to do it. Every time I want to end the relationship, he keeps showing more affection toward me.

I want him to divorce her, but it’s not possible since they just got married. I know the best way ahead is to simply give him up. He no longer deserves my love. He is too cowardly, not strong enough to protect our love, and not brave enough to even face the situation.

In this situation, both women are victims. I went from being the victim to being the third person in their relationship. In my eyes, she is also a victim but she is much luckier than me. I am very jealous of her, but I don’t resent her and I don’t want to harm her either.

I don’t know what I should do in this situation. I am torn between my heart and my mind, between morality and my personal happiness. Maybe deep down inside I don’t want to accept such an ending. I am so devastated since we can’t be together though we do love each other.

As a modern woman, I can’t imagine that one day I would be stuck in this situation. I feel like I am a person who knows theories but who can’t put them into practice. I wonder whether I should blame myself.